So, during a down moment at work (read: any time in the entire morning), I decided to check up on the ol' email, see if anyone sent me:
1. an email
2. a request for a sub at WRCT, even though I’m 2 hrs away, because I can’t unsubscribe from their e-mail list as long as I’m a member there
3. a curiously misspelled advertisement for soft-ware from ado be or micros;oft, or possibly “vi@gra or other Licensed Iove t@bs”, or maybe even something called “The Extender” (… err, i wish i were kidding)

But instead, I was greeted with:

this lady. I think. Ms. Young Professional herself, complete with low-cut but conservative red blouse and smug “I own this company and, therefore, am disgustingly rich” smile. Flanked by her bodyguards, err, coworkers, “I’m too masterful at Tae Kwon Do to even cut my hair” Boy and “My white shirt hides my enormous muscles, but my bald head makes no effort to conceal that I have a brain the size of a rat doot” Man. She kindly informed me that access was denied to webmail.andrew.cmu.edu, because of “policy violation.” She did not inform me that I was immediately put on probation to ensure that I didn’t commit other seditious activities, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. I think an agent is watching me as I type right now.

At any rate, I think it was that lady. It could have been this one though:

Ms. “My neck is so crooked because I’m actually Stephen Hawking.” HER bodyguards can fade into the background, chameleon-like, until, all of a sudden, your jugular is no longer entirely inside your body.

Well, no more email for me. Boo Hyland for doing something lame. Come to think of it, that’s really the first lame thing they’ve done though, besides existing in a boring field, so I’ll cut them some slack. Besides, if you have a pressing urge to contact me, you can still email me at Daniel.Tasse (at) onbase.com. Fantastic.

Comments:

Courtk - Jun 1, 2005

Oh, Dan Tasse. So, I was really bored and decided to look up “Courtney Kochuba” on yahoo.com. I came across a page in which it said “Courtney Maida Kochuba” (or however you spelled my “middle” name). I got so freaked out and thought, “How weird would it be if someone had my exact name but with a different middle name?” Then, I clicked on it and found it that it was your blog and you doing that silly thing you do. Then, I wrote up this comment and posted it. Then, I went to sleep because I was really tired and blabbering on about nothing and silliness.

That’s all.

chicken - Jun 2, 2005

you’ll be pleased to know that those women soooo do not own any company. no, they are interns. just look at them! i mean, in reality they are models, but they look too concerned with being in front of their colleagues to be running some company. oh, and they went to community college and bought some relatively nice suits from jc penny’s.

Dan - Jun 3, 2005

it’s true… i guess that’s kinda the irony in it- that we hire other people to be our company’s face on the internet. weird.

Brian - Jul 6, 2005

More like Daniel.Tasse (at) offbase.com.

…

because you are soooo off base.

Anonymous - Jul 5, 2005

I got that message when I went to gmail once as well. What’s great about it is it’s this wonderfully friendly enterprise stock photo on a web page with a black background and big red letters saying “Access Violation” or something like that. It made me feel so much like I was looking at a disgusting porno site that I had to close it immediately out of pure embarassment. Then I reflected for a while and decided to revisit the page just to get a screen shot, because it was so offputting. I’m not sure if I should use the screenshot as my desktop background or not.

Oh, I’ve heard of people SSHing into private servers and using lynx to check their mail. Never tried it though, myself.