Back in high school, everything was easy. You believe in Catholicism, you do good things, you go to mass on Sunday, you go to heaven. I mean, I didn’t believe in Catholicism, but it was still out there as a Worldly Goal. I could still get a spot in heaven if I did good things for God (whatever God I believed in) and other people. And they (the catholics) warned me, they said, a lot of people go off to college and think they don’t need God, and then they find their lives to be meaningless.

And I did, and I do. I mean, to an extent; I’ve sort of given up on God and I sort of feel like life is meaningless. I’d given up on God before, but I had always put Love up there as his replacement. I figure, have good relationships with friends and family, and that’s what life is all about. That’s the ultimate goal, if you will. But really, that’s just another manufactured goal, it seems.

Before I forget, half of this post is Tim’s thoughts, so I credit him here.

I mean, if you’re a caveman, your need is to find food. Basic survival. But then if you are a modern man, you don’t need basic survival anymore. So you move on, your needs become “a lot of money and a big house” so you work your ass off at your cubicle job. Whatever level you’re at, you will create more needs for yourself. And here’s where Catholicism or any other religion comes in: they give you a goal. You can say “I’m working towards the ultimate goal here- getting to heaven!” and then you can do whatever. It’s just one of many goals you can put in front of yourself, I guess.

So, given that there is no meaning to life besides what you create for yourself, what do you do? I guess you say that the goal you’re creating is whatever makes you happiest, which (for me anyway) I guess is Love again.

Umm. I’m not being the most coherent now. But overall the train of thought is very despairful. I guess it leaves me at the same place I was before, in that I’m going to put friends and family first, and I’ll love a lot of people, and life will be meaningful because I’ll be having fun with people I love. The difference is that “meaningful” now will mean “I’m enjoying it” rather than “this is good in and of itself.” It’s kind of solipsist (is that right?) and overall it seems not a great thought. But it’s kind of what I’m thinking now.

The priests told me I’d lose all my direction in life, and hey, I did. But I’m not going to go back to Christianity, because that’s another arbitrary goal, and it doesn’t make me as happy as Love.