A certain company, which I will only refer to as “M.S.”, described themselves on the EOC website in this way:

“Strategic partners to our business units, M.S.’s Information Technologists redefine the way we do business worldwide. Technology enables the Firm to win clients who understand the competitive advantage that our applications and infrastructure can bring to their businesses. Our people, values and the technology of M.S. continues to establish the Firm as the industry leader in e-commerce, object oriented software engineering, sophisticated global trading systems, worldwide securities transactions processing, risk management systems and models supporting derivative trading.”

Look: “Morgan Stanley is a finance company.” MINUS 71 WORDS ! (pronounced “Minus 71 words pause for emphasis BANG”)

Dilbert* et al have poked fun at corporatespeak enough for it to be meaningless to make fun of. But this is a pretty crystal-clear example. I want to memorize this putrid paragraph. So that when someone asks me why I fear the business world, I can recite it.

(okay, fine, it’s Morgan Stanley. If I were you, and I had a peanut allergy, I’d avoid them like a jar of Jif)

*which is no longer funny

Comments:

Anonymous - Feb 0, 2006

Ha! I can totally relate. Check out these hilarious observations of cubicle life:

http://www.jaypinkerton.com/blog/archives/001373.html

kemal