(and no, this blog hasn’t been taken over by a spam bot. I guess consider it somewhere between Oblique Strategies, 43 Simple Ways to Simplify Your Life, and wint)

1. Don’t get devastated.
2. More lifehacks
3. Wolf pet, on a train
4. 2 cell phones
5. Leave yourself a voice mail
6. Avoid cafeterias
7. Always choose 3
8. Snort whenever you laugh
9. Read college brochures
10. Horses have emotions too, bro.
11. Always say “bro” as a question: “bro?”
12. Have a name
13. Continue life hacking, or car jacking.
14. Why not?
15. Actually “coat swacker” is a good insult
16. Don’t forget life hacks!
17. The word “beaver” comes to mind
18. Hi there, fellow kids
19. Don’t ever make mistakes
20. If at first you don’t succeed, succeed!
21. Know when to stop lifehacking
22. Right turn on red, after stop
23. Think about that!
24. Pineapples decorate well. You can dress something with pineapples. You can deck the hall with pineapples.
25. Sponge-a-bob
26. Deluxe chapstick. You can buy better chapstick, because you only need to buy half as much.
27. Do a good impression of the person you want to be.
28. Park your car, walk your dog
29. What if you drastically limited the number of distinct syllables you would say?
30. Speak from the heart
31. If you’re out of hair clips, you can use a binder clip
32. Maybe don’t pluralize “berry”
33. You can polarize, but only sometimes
34. Memo to your future self. You can leave these anytime.
35. Remember that time you were in those mountains?
36. It would be a real sucker punch to say something like “Fukushima.”
37. Yes-usually-and
38. That little thing going wrong, it won’t even affect you.
39. If you ever need a costume, you could go as Captain Labradoodle
40. Mend a picket fence
41. Better learn me fast!
42. Have a day, each day
43. Want sauerkraut? You’re going to have to wait for it.
44. Could be a real thing.
45. Get more specific, usually
46. Don’t overclose a faucet
47. If you listen, you can hear your arguments coming up and knocking each other down.
48. It might be time.
49. If you start surveilling yourself too much, you might want to stop.
50. Claw hammer not always better than regular hammer.