My dad is pretty masterful sometimes. Usually we get along pretty well, except when he asks me to do a bunch of things or when I don’t do said bunch of things. I think that in life, he puts the emphasis on work, I put the emphasis on fun. Aged well-brood water babies. In der yablons. But both sides have their ups and downs, I won’t really get into that here.

Occasionally we grate on each other a little. And it’s worst before a trial (he’s a lawyer). He gets all jittery, and to try to calm himself down, he tries to get everything in his life in order, which means straightening things up, mowing the lawn, putting our shoes away, and Who left this bag out on the counter?!

But man, when the trial starts, he is a giant. He’ll come home and tell me stories of every little part of the trial he smashed face in. Right now he’s in a trial about a fire, the plaintiff claims it started with this vacuum cleaner, he (representing the insurance company) claims it started by this chair. Now, to hear him tell it, this trial is so one-sided, it’s not even funny.

The plaintiff’s witness testifies for 3 hours. He builds up this little house of cards. In 30 minutes, my dad destroys this little house, tears up the cards, and makes this witness eat them. He got one witness to testify that all of their witnesses got together before the trial, practiced their testimony so they “had their story straight.” Another one blew some smoke and said that this motor caused the problem… my dad got him to admit that he had no evidence at all that the motor caused it, and furthermore, they did some destructive testing on it, so there is no possible way they could even claim that the motor was defective! I mean, we’re talking name-whatever-trial-scene-from-whatever-movie, where some sharp lawyer shoots holes into an obviously false case… that’s just what’s going on here! He was literally at the point where he could have asked the judge to rule in his favor and dismiss the trial!

Now, he couldn’t do that, because this judge is an old fuddy-duddy, kind of makes his own rules, and was a little mad at my dad for something that didn’t agree with him the day before. (seems to me that judges have a ridiculous bit of leeway… but hey, it’s the current system, I’m no lawyer)

Anyway, it was pretty cool. He was telling me these stories, and I was all enthusiastically listening, he was genuinely excited. I felt a little condescending- like I know he wants to tell me these stories, so I’m listening, you know, “if this makes you happy…” but I really respect him for it. Now, his stories might be slightly biased, but still, he’s got a really good record with cases, and I’d imagine that they’re at least mostly true. In which case, he’s a really good lawyer.