(well I’ve been sick for most of this week, that’s a big part of it. nevertheless,)

There’s no “spark” left. whenever I think about going out and Doing Something New, there’s a huge ugh field, like the activation energy required is infinite. like being in crisis mode: “no I can’t bake croissants for fun; I don’t even have enough wheat to survive the winter.”

Having a kid is just endlessly demoralizingly difficult. Two parents both wiped out for 4-7 days with a toddler who’s doing fine is one of the worse circles of hell, and we only dodged that bullet thanks to my mom who’s a hero and has watched him for most of a week. I don’t know what we do when this happens next time. Hope we keep dodging bullets.

And people talk about it like they talk about minor annoyances. “Oh yeah, it’s the worst when everyone’s sick.” No, casual “oh yeah, it’s the worst” is like when you get too many telemarketer calls. Sick-with-a-kid is a kind of Bad that we should maybe talk about in hushed tones or euphemism around it so as not to awaken whatever spirits are in charge of it.

(am I being melodramatic? like, ok, it’s not “family member murdered” kind of bad. there are worse things. but I do feel like most parents, and non-parents for that matter, underrate how hard this is!)

Maybe this is why this election just feels like “:shrug: whatever”. back in 2016 I got super bent out of shape, made a bunch of calls, donated to a bunch of causes, went to protests, started my own dang email newsletter. Didn’t do an ounce of good. Do you think I persuaded Nancy Pelosi¹ to “fight whatever bad thing Trump did that day”? This year, I can’t seem to care:

1. For all the stupidity, not all that much happened in 2016-2020²
2. We can’t do anything about it anyway. Maybe call Nancy Pelosi a couple more times.
3. A lot of “caring” just means “getting mad because someone posted something without doing anything”; again, please unfollow everyone who pisses you off, unfollow everyone who makes you feel anxious, please